Lost Ideas Lab's Blog

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Stunned senses & mixed identity & gone moment ...

7 months ago | Diary

Berlin's public transport website has an extra section dedicated to people who write about someone appearing interesting to their eyes and they didn't get a chance to say a hi to one another ... don't roll your eyes, it is really there if you don't believe me, go and check the website: Meine Augenblicke

Anyway, what I wanted to say, is that on the way from Lyon to Geneva, even though the bus was something like 15 to 30 minutes late, there came a beautiful young woman & there were not many seats empty so she sat like a row behind me ... so many times I wanted to turn back and look at her face ... I mean, just to double check if she is really so pretty ... what do you expect from me? Not to desire beauty? That's impossible.

I was messed up & I had the plan to go to a hairdresser since two weeks, so I had this long hairs and bear and everything and on my laptop I was working on a presentation about Islamic State, ISS and the Islamic Republic of Iran and I was like: she is going to think I'm a Jihadist ... if you just turn back and say something to her, she is going to hate the whole ride.

So, when I was going out of the bus, I wished so endlessly she come after me and I stood there thinking is the bag really mine and should I take it out of the luggage area, but the pretty woman, jumped right in the luggage area and trying to pick out her big rucksack and she looked at me when my facial expression was: hey, let me pick out mine that is blocking the way of yours first.

I was already late for the university and I didn't really had any clue what can you do in a situation like this, [yeah, now I figured it out, you ask her number] and don't be like I know nothing about her, actually she had forgotten her id card and the bus-driver called the name and gave it back to her, so I know her name is Emily, she is this beautiful short hair woman that has the behavior of men, the kind of behavior that every young woman would be like: "oh, this is the man of my dream", I don't know, maybe I was born in the wrong body. The moment she jumped in the luggage area, I really felt like that's the kind of man you would want to spend the rest of your life with, she is strong, she is active, she would care for you, protect you, all the things that men with lots of muscles are supposed to do.

I don't know why I have this endless need for feeling safe and being protected, so much so, that a young beautiful woman like her demonstrating in one interaction that she is capable of such things, makes me feel like I should have asked her "is there any chance you were looking for a wife? would you consider being my husband?" Don't judge me, I really mean it, she was really having a cold and even though she had a cold she was so active.

Now I understand what was wrong, I should have given her my number, that's what every girl does, but I mean, like every other girl I was waiting for her to say something to me first! I know that's terrible that I'm a man and the only way I naturally would behave in some situations is like that of a woman, but dear Emily, if you don't mind giving a man with a girlish heart & behavior a shot, here you go:

Bus Detail:

my personal e-mail: hosseins93 /at/ icloud.com