Galactic Visions Neglasnyy Masterskaya

When I’m Gone

Give me your hands
So you may know
It was all pain
Not telling you
That I love you

Give me your hands
So you may get
I was honestly sorry
Loving you and no sign
Wishing you but no hug

Give me your hands
So you may know
I never cried unhappily
Cause knowing you
Was the best of happiness

Give me your hands
Even dancing with you
Can’t make sense anymore
Just a touch of my cold hands

Cause since now
It’s all right
You would have dance with any other boy
When it was me who loved your body, your soul

Cause since now
It’s all right
You shared all your life with the boy that isn’t I
But it killed and it killed and it killed a young spirit

Give me your hands
Cause I can no more
Bear the pain of meeting you
And being all aware
Your breath hold the smell of someone else’s breath

[And he’s not me, HONEY
Would you ever think
YOU, who couldn’t let go of my eyes …
You would never think
How did I lived, knowing not only your eyes, your hands, you lips, your …
If you want to know the answer
I never lived ever since
I just died with every breath
I just longed for death in every moment]

Give me your hands
Cause my hands can’t let go of your hands anymore
Cause I would no more be able to hear you say
„I wish I stayed here forever“
And don’t respond „I want you to be my helpmate“

Give me your hands
When I am gone
So you may feel
It was your name
Mixed in my bone, in my flesh

Give me your hands
When I am gone
So you may know
That your heart
Beats just for mine

Give me your hands
When I am gone
So you may be glad
It didn’t worked with you and I
So you may be glad
Your friends and all those others
Were totally right
To read in your mind
„You’ll soon no more hear from my love“

Give me your hands
And just smile
Isn’t it art?
My heart doesn’t beat for any other girl
Didn’t you always wanted to be assured
Isn’t it nice?
My heart just stopped
But to my soul
It was just long overdue

Give me your hands
Cause you should know
After all that you did
After all that happened
I didn’t left my beloved one in this world behind
You didn’t deserve my love any more

Give me your hands
When I am gone
Cause this heart can’t be yours anymore
Cause you broke it so many times
Cause I begged you I love you
Cause I begged you I am sorry
Cause I begged you it kills me

Give me your hands
When I am gone
Cause my hands can’t be yours anymore

Give me your hands
Cause I were not a wise man
Like all those who had you before
I couldn’t dream of having you
I couldn’t hope to cheat you
Didn’t you read me when I wrote you
Your sadness takes away my happiness
Didn’t you know
Your feelings meant to me more than mine

Give me your hands
Cause I were as silly as flowers who will die without sun
As dummy as fishes dying out of the see
As hardheaded as the life on the Earth, not taking place in absence of water

I never wished to be a wise man
Like the men that you chose
I am pure as the nature

Give me your hands
So you may know
I have already gone
You can’t … them anymore

Give me your hands
Cause I wasn’t in your arms when I went

I hope it is easy to realize that this poems is for the time I will no longer be alive. Sometimes the person who is important to you, mistrust you so much that death seems the only possible step forward. What can you do when the only one who could trust you is so much against you and it is not about a trivial matter, but about whom I love. When I was younger, I believed if you knew how I thought back then, you would realize the reasons behind my behavior, now I see you just wanted a reason to hold me out of your life … The whole time I tried to avoid being in your life, but I couldn’t live without you, and when I told you that, you just pretended you can’t believe me. Perhaps an outsider could understand that it is you who goes in bed with someone else and not me, and still I could trust you to love me, but you couldn’t trust me that I love you. I don’t want to discuss everything in the footnote of a poem, and I can’t say „you loved me“ as if I were a God knowing the unknown but …

Few verses corrected for better conveying the meaning and a title chosen on July 28, 2016

Dedicated to A. S.

by

May 11, 2016