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Reflections pervious Breakfast Club

1 month ago | Reflections

I was being told, I had an unrealistic expectation of myself, and this isn't the first time I'm hearing such feedback, and this might be true in some aspects, at the same time, I rather prefer to think of it as not approaching something properly, instead of having "unrealistic" expectations. In contrast to everyone else, I'm more than almost all people disinterested in life ... There is a tiny to-do list on my hand, which completing the items on it was some of the times the only reason I end up living an extra day, so regardless of how you wish to label my passions, giving them up I'll lose myself and for that there are no more resources in me to afford, I'm already burned over

Breakfast Club wasn't an idea aimed at helping me or helping anyone else for that matter, it started upon feelings of high admiration for the movie with the same name and also in part Barbara Sher's words that "isolation is the dream killer" and her suggestion of "success teams". Perhaps "success teams" would be a more market-friendly term, especially in a business school and Breakfast Club may seem like a teen love movie, but to me, the movie is about self-discovery and so Breakfast Club is about taking the experiment of following your true passions and talents a bit more seriously.

So, Breakfast Club was supposed to be a weekly meet-up, at worst every other week, but I kind of failed to successfully organize the event, now it ends up being once every season.

Perhaps passion alone is not enough, or the alternative explanation could be that I lose my sense of self without attachment to another human being, perhaps that could explain some aspect of my excessive need to others in order to feel motivated, to not give up after the tiniest break. Sometimes the competition to belong to the same league as individuals I love/admire is a great contributor, but that can't work always, especially when the difference between your professional success and theirs seems oceans, names like Jennette McCurdy and Elon Musk ...

More than half a year ago, finally I came to accept that I can't do it alone, I can't overcome all the barriers inside me all on my own alone ... and my past experiences with relying and working with other people had left me so shattered, frustrated or disappointed from case to case that this time around the realization wasn't enough, I wanted a sense of assurance of what do I need help with and whom to ask for or accept it from ...

I think finally I have a sense of what do I need help with. For the past six months, I didn't have similar motivation to organize a meet-up because I thought not to allow myself to ask someone special to take part in it, not that she ever did, but to me personally her presence is so important, and I realize myself in Nikolas Tesla's words more than ever:

The tendency of women to push aside man, supplanting the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life, is very disappointing to me.

I don't mean the first part of his sentence but "the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life". In my writings, over and over I've written how dearly I detest the idea of erotic affection being the sole prerequisite of a romantic relationship, and I never meant it in general sense but for my person, I really wished for such "cooperation" and to be honest with myself, there never was a woman in my life who decided to partake in such endeavor with her acts and not mere words.

I don't how correct or wrong Nikolas Tesla's followed arguments are, but looking at my life, I guess the only way-out is to admit I've failed to be that special for someone, so maybe Tesla is correct at the end:

Woman's independence and her cleverness in obtaining what she wants in the business world is breaking down man's spirit of independence. The old fire he once experienced at being able to achieve something that would compel and hold a woman's devotion is turning to ashes.

I can't recall, if I ever felt such "fire" inside myself, but I know all too well, I can't accept compliments from anyone, anyone at all, but she is one of the very few individuals whose opinion of me means me too much and perhaps the only individual that I would bother myself about her opinion even when I know she doesn't understand what I'm working on ... –tell me, if such a life doesn't feel pointless and stupid– ...

May the Lord put my need where it can be satisfied ...

References:

  • Galveston Daily News, Galveston, Texas, page 23. August 10, 1924.
  • Clark, N.S., 2011. Nikola Tesla - "Mr. Tesla Explains Why He Will Never Marry" [WWW Document]. An Engineer's Aspect. URL http://anengineersaspect.blogspot.ch/2011/07/nikola-tesla-mr-tesla-explains-why-he.html (accessed 4.21.18).

PS. Thank you for your interest in following what I'm up to, I hope [some] works at Lost Ideas Lab change your life for the better ...