Sweet Traps

From To My Brother series, a project developed at Lovin' is Free ...

Dear brother, it is hard to describe the value of love to me, but you need to once have heard this, so let's tell no more than calling it "holly", and it should be for you two, if one day you slowly get some step forward towards the maturity of soul, don't fight with me about the descriptions I'm providing for you, our present-day language is not designed for that, and perhaps humans' means of communication either.

But this for you, dear brother I have an obligation to be in animosity with those who disrespect "love":

With the true beloved, a covenant is mine that: "As long as in body, life I have:

The well-wishers of His street, (dear) like my own (previous) life I hold.

Hafiz, translated by Henry Willberforce Clarke

and so the promises have been made and I am obliged to hold such individuals so dear, and "real lovers" are one type of such people. This is not a book about me, so what does this information has lost here?

Dear brother, you need to know, willingly disrespecting [true] "love" and you are buying the destruction of your life in advance ...

Here are few traps that I find us more prone to fall for, about the begin of a relationship, before starting with that, let me tell you, if you happen to consider romance an exchange and you don’t ever get close to talking about love and thinking about people who love and don’t desire to be in their place, that’s another matter ... but if you do mix yourself with the idea of "love" or if you engage in a relationship where somehow you find either you should say something about "love" or that you will lose the person and you chose to do so, you need to know these traps and you need to be careful to not fall for them, sometimes the most celebrated romantic relationships in our societies are example of one or the other form of what I'm condemning here, so take it into your heart, it is hard to not fall into these traps, pay attention:

  • Dear brother, don't be an asshole and start a relationship with someone because she is famous or celebrated by someone else. Even if you have found a man that you are inspired by all his actions and wish to follow his footsteps, or if you wish to be better than him and beat him in every aspect of his life, and he happens to be totally in love with someone, you shouldn't love the same person, only because that's what you are doing in other areas of your life as well. If someone sees a particular woman better than all the world's population, as long as this is not how your heart feels about your environment, don't go down that path. Dear brother even if that man is correct about all the reasons he believes to love that woman or all the reasons why she is exceptional and etc, those reasons are not yours. You are not him. Dear brother living from a stolen material is a terrible life to be in, and you are healthy, you are strong, you are a man, you don't need to steal things from others when you can earn them honestly with your hard work. Don't be an asshole who steals his reasons of love, even if those reasons for loving that woman be words for words true and compelling and honest, those are not yours. Go and found out who you are, go and experiment about what are your true interests, go and reflect on your past and on your future, a stolen love would never last and you will grow sicker and sicker and sicker from it, as soon as the source of that love is lost, and this may be one possible outcome for such circumstances, but you have to understand just as sthieve are being despised in the society and lose their dignity, there will come a day that you will have to accept you don't have the real dignity of human being. To me, if you are being with a woman and the only reason that you have for feeling love for her is the size of her breasts, you have way much more dignity in my eyes, than if you were in relationship with a woman all these beautiful philosophical reasons for loving her but you picked up those reasons because you heard how someone else described his love to her, or she is this famous and celebrated and acknowledge professional in her field and everyone admires her and lots of people would die to love her. In our societies we often want to celebrate people who are deep and we value shallow people less, but my dear brother, the first man, even if in your eyes is a shallow fellow as his only standard for loving someone is breast size, in my mind, if he is being honest with himself and that's sincerely what he finds to appreciate in women, is far more a human being than the second person, even if the second person is a celebrated author, actor, musician and the whole world think of him being a brilliant person and deserving such brilliant wife, to my eyes, and to everyone who understands love, he is an asshole and all those celebrations by the world are worthless. Dear brother, I know lots of famous people who have such romantic relationship, they married someone because she was previously loved by a man and that love was so deep that everyone was talking about it. Don't be that kind of asshole. Dear brother, no matter who stupid and shallow your reasons for loving a woman, no matter how much that woman was forgotten by everyone else, even if never any man picked any interest in her, don't believe for a moment you will be thinking less of you for pursuing that love, if that love is honest and sincere. Dear brother don't do this. and dear brother, if you don't steal the same woman from that man, don't for a second think of going after a woman that resembles her, if those reasons are not your reasons to love someone. My dear brother, there are lots of attributes that I could have found pleasant in a woman, but if you thought by finding a woman that have those attributes, I would think about you: "oh, my brother is such a brilliant person, he has such a good criteria on his future spouse", you are an idiot who doesn't know who I am. Muhammad-Javad if you go after a woman with criteria that are not yours, you are an asshole in my eyes, even if you fool me and make me believe those criteria were yours, while in fact they aren't, Muhammad-Javad that doesn't change who you are, you are a still an asshole and deceiving others in believing you aren't one. Deception won't make you become something you aren't.

  • Dear brother, if you have been experiencing how diligently and delightfully a woman was loving a man, and you wished you could receive the similar love, similar affection, if you are with that woman because of this reason, you have to understand, you are being an asshole. Muhammad-Javad, look, sure it is nice to know about a woman what a great wife she is, but if you are claiming the place of someone that does not belong to you, you are being an asshole. Yes, that woman may be similarly acting towards anyone who is in that position for her, but you have to understand what you are doing is you are yearning for being loved and not that you love that woman. Dear brother, I don't believe you need to neglect your desire to be loved, but that desire should never ever ever ever ever ever turn to the reason why you started a relationship with someone, while you didn't love her. Dear brother, believe me, I have had experienced moments when I thought with myself, would a woman ever hold my face in her hands and kiss me so passionately, as I saw a woman doing it, but I didn't end up in a relationship with her, nor did I wish for that, because I wasn't loving such person. Dear brother, even if you are with a woman who cheats on you, or with a woman who disrespects you, or a woman who is extremely unkind with you, or lots of others unpleasant relationships, but beneath the surface and beneath all your unpleasant moments you two love one another, to me. that relationship would be phenomenal instead of if you were in a relationship with a super nice woman, who would constantly try to please you, who is great in bed with you but you didn't start that relationship because you loved her, nor do you magically discovered what love is after being with her, I know your relationship would look phenomenal from outside, but dear brother, you are being an asshole. Even if never anyone discovers what an asshole you are, even if would believe you love her until the end of her life, the truth is you are being an asshole and you are just making your life worse, because not only you are an asshole, but you are asshole who deceived others about who he is and received rewards he was never worthy of and one day you will have to pay back all those, if you ever want to find peace inside yourself, if you ever wish to be living as a human being with dignity. Dear Muhammad-Javad, sometimes no amount of money, no amount of punishment are enough compensation for deceiving someone to believe you love her because you wished to receive the same treatment as the man that she loved before being with you. Dear brother, there is nothing illegal here, but you will find it impossible to free yourself from doing this. Dear brother, don't fool yourself that once you are together you will begin to feeling love for her, because you see what she is doing is exactly what you wish for from a woman in your life. Look, if you don't love her, that love is not going to come afterward because you are together and she is everything that you believe you wanted in a romantic relationship.

Dear brother, once in my life I was so sad and disappointed that I wished just any woman would pay attention to my body as if ... but I never wished to call that "love", I was only trying to find some sense, why the woman who told me she wishes to stay forever left me for another man at the same instance, I was so disappointed with my erotic inabilities that I just needed a hard proof, so that I could accept, she didn't leave me because that other man was fulfilling her sexual needs while I never did, that experienc and the fact that she was so much emotionally and intellectually intimate with me yet she chose a man whom the only thing they had together and we never had, was erotic interactions, made me feel like not only I'm not a human but as if I can't even be wroth satisfying someone's erotic needs, and events happened and received severer experiences about my erotic inabilities, and that I could be preferred to a sex toy by a woman, made me feel like I'm less worth than a piece of plastic. So this is the only period of time, that I was finding a woman to have a relationship, regardless of love. Don't get me wrong brother, I don't believe my erotic inabilities were the only reason for being rejected, now looking back, I find lots of behaviors and beliefs and expectations that I think were wrong and think were deserve to be rejected for them, but those experiences when we were so intellectually and emotionally intimate with other another and I saw I have no way to satisfy their sexuality and they were erotically intimate with other people or other things, shattered every tiny piece of confident I had in my self ... So, that's the story about the time when I wanted a relationship and didn't want to consider anything about love. But pay attention to what I am saying, I was fully aware why I'm doing this. I was aware that the only reason I'm so desperate to have a relationship is to prove to myself I am capable of answering a woman sexual needs, maybe I'm not the best experience someone had in bed, but at least I can be better than a sex toy.

Dear brother, I'm telling you my story, so you see anyone may have similar moments in their lives, when they are so low on self-esteem and so unacknowledged about dating and everything relevant to romantic relationship that they start to doubt themselves instead of realizing they are worth to be loved and that there is someone somewhere who will truly truly truly love them one day –by the Lord’s leave– but that does not mean to fall for any of these traps ...

Dear brother, I wish you never go through such extreme self-doubts and self-denigration but if you do, and if you happen to wish to engage in a romantic relationship only to be reminded that you are a human being and not a forgotten useless person, then at least be careful that you don't make the impression on yourself or on other people that you are after "love". This is not love, and if you do happen to make it appear as if it is about "love", be prepared that you are extremely likely going to fall for one these traps and you will end up destroying your life ...

Dear brother, this is not poetry that I'm writing here for you. Yes, to some individuals who I owe them explanations about my behavior this text may be a poetry, but to you, it is not a poetry and is not supposed to be understood as such. I'm warning you about real dangers, and I began this text writing about my obligation to individuals who love each other, and another side to that obligation is here:

Dear brother, I tried to give you the best of advice that I could, but if you do fall for any of these traps or anything similar: I hope to hear the noise of your bones being crushed and I won’t have a second or an atom of empathy with your pain and defeats ...

Dear brother, "love" is an invisible matter, it existence or absence can't be proved, the God may have given the knowledge about its existence here and there to this or that individual, but as a human being, we have to consider ourselves lucky if we can correctly understand when we "love" someone and when it is not exactly "love", so while these traps are often invisible to anyone else than to you, when it is about your life, I sincerely wish you experiencing severe punishments for taking such horrible paths ... It doesn't matter if a holy thing is visible or not, if you dishonor it willingly and consciously, you will receive your punishment. Dear brother it is very easy to deny the existence of the God, but if you do so, willingly and consciously, you may end up forever in hell, I hope you understand a little how the world functions ...

Dear brother, if by the time you read this text, you are already in one of these traps, or a trap similar to them, as I didn't try to provide a comprehensive list of possible traps, I hope you don't feel hopeless. You have to make a turn, you have to apologize, and despite whether you receive forgiveness being expressed through someone's mouth or not, you have to fix the harm you caused. To understand what I talking about, imagine you kill someone in an accident, a man who had a family of four, those people may sincerely forgive you and feel no bit of hatred for you but that's not the end of it. If that man was the only source of income for that family, you are obliged to provide for them. The same way, if you have been in a relationship with someone, you have burned her opportunity to be with the man who would have sincerely loved her, even if she forgives you, you have an obligation to repair the damages you have caused to her life. Look, don't wait for that woman to ask you for compensation, it is upon you to discover what you have done and try to fix those effects.

and dear brother, while for these misdeeds there can never be a court in this world, these are serious things, if you do fall for these traps, until a day that the voice from you is that of your bones being crushed, I don’t wish to hear from you, unless you give up your mistakes and fix all the damages you have caused ...

sure dear brother, you are too smart and you may fool me and everyone else about the nature and intention of your relationship, but I take the God as the witness that I pray for the punishment of such individuals in this world and thereafter, unless they came back of their path and correct the mistakes made ...