The Lost Ideas Lab Journal | Issue #7

Presenting our hearts to a fake copy of the individual we love …

| Awareness | By

Introduction

You never hear its voice, and it complains are in such a different language that most often we don’t understand them. We are the members of the society which values efficiency and pragmatism above all. The most educated one of us spend their days and night perfecting an algorithm and only those who are worse off might end up reading a low-quality self-help book on how to trust their gut feelings. Our prophets are scientists and our religions are the never proved theories. We have forgotten our hearts, not only as individuals but as a society, and we commit the most unredeemable crimes on our hearts, yet not only we get away with it, not only our friends and those in our environment remain silent about it, but most often than not, we encourage it. Most often than not we see it as the only possible solution. Most often than not we forget a problem can be solved from thousands or millions different ways but pretending that it doesn’t exist is none of those ways.

Unlike the ill-functioning social justice system in our societies, our hearts can’t bring us to a place to warn us about our wrongdoings, actually, this place should have been our best friends, those in our environment, or even the strangers who can read the sufferings of our hearts from our faces, our behaviors, or even our actions without seeing us in person, however in our times even the psychologists are advised not to have personal relationship with their clients. The idiots that we are, who wish to turn everything in an industry, from dating-industry, to healthcare industry, in order to generate income from the pain of our hearts, we have stop offering free acts to each other, a trend which each time it has taken rise in a society, that society has been run itself in destruction.

For most of our lives, our hearts remain receptive to us. We can fill our hearts with inputs consciously or let it be filled by others without our conscious approval. What we have filled our heart with, will have a much more significant impact on our lives.

This text examines the example of when we lie to our heart and deceive it with what it yearns for, and we forget that this is our heart and at the end, not only us but all those around us, will be the losers of our lies. Some of those losses may only affect the two or four, five, six individuals involved, but if one of those people is the leader of a nation, that may as well, lead a nation into devastation. At that moment, it will be too late to realize how widespread the act of lying to our heart is. In any society with a widespread moral wrongdoing, it is reasonable to predict that one day the leader of that society will be infected with the same moral wrongdoing. To cure a moral wrongdoing we have to work from man to man, but to see it in the head of the society, we don’t need to do anything special, it is only a matter of time.

Adolf Hitler, the friendless liar to his own heart …

Even though I lived for few years in Germany, I always avoided getting to know more about the period of Nazi regime in Germany, because it evoked my memory of Iran and I couldn’t deal with it, being left alone on my own.

No, I don’t mean Iran’s regime is similar to Germany’s Nazi regime, nor I do believe Iran’s regime is as oppressive as the Nazi. Comparing Iran to Germany Nazi time, if you were a jew and if you were an opposition in Iran, it is not hard to say Iran is a paradise. But there is a similarity there. The similarity is that nobody sees the millions of people who supported the wrongdoings of that regime. Adolf Hitler is the only thing people talk about. I don’t believe without him, Germany would not have ended up in the same place. It is relaxing to believe, it was only one person who was the cause for all the wrongs, but the reality always is that there are always millions of people behind the scene. Hitler would have done nothing without the support of so many people, and more surprising would be to question, whether Hitler would have turned into a murderer, if certain wrongdoings didn’t happen in his life.

But as I recently watched the TV-Series, “Hitler: The Rise of Evil” directed by Christian Duguay, it made me once sit down with the story of Adolf Hitler.

The movie puts a great emphasize on showing a human picture from Adolf Hitler, not as a politician or better said a dictator hated by the rest of the world today and loved by half of the people back then, but young man without having gone to his dreamed art school turning into the leader of the Germany. Hence some of the very strong scenes in the movie are around the women in Hitler’s life, especially those he apparently loved and those who apparently tried to love him. Aside the typical story of a smart woman being married to a man less intellectual than her but with enough financial means, who easily fall in love with a financially less powerful man who is but at the same intellectual level as her, Helene Hanfstaengl, to me the most important woman, or better said girl, is Geli Raubal.

Geli Raubal; Photo by John Simkin from his article "Geli Raubal"

Geli Raubal, the daughter of Leo Raubal and Angela Raubal, was born in Linz on 4th June, 1908. When Adolf Hitler rented a house in Obersalzberg he asked his half-sister, Angela Raubal, now a widow, to be his housekeeper. She agreed and in August 1928 brought Geli with her to stay with Hitler.

Geli became a close friend of Henriette Hoffmann, the young daughter of Heinrich Hoffmann, Hitler's official photographer. The two young women went to the local lake together. After swimming naked they let the sun dry their bodies: "One day a cluster of butterflies settled on the naked Geli. We made ourselves garlands of strawberry leaves and put them on. For us the world was a garden, a forest glade, with fairies dancing in the moonlight and fauns with goat feet making music. We thought life was a party that was just beginning. We didn't know the forest glade was a battlefield you couldn't leave till you were defeated. We didn't know the world was rough and mean and stupid.[1]"

Hitler told Otto Wagener: "I can sit next to young women who leave me completely cold. I feel nothing, or they actually irritate me. But a girl like the little Hoffmann or Geli (Raubal) - with them I become cheerful and bright, and if I have listened for an hour to their perhaps silly chatter - or I have only to sit next to them - then I am free of all weariness and listlessness I can go back to work refreshed." Hitler once commented: "Nothing is more enjoyable than educating a young thing - a girl of eighteen or twenty, as pliable as wax.[2]

Having a bit of understanding on how human’s deal with trauma and speculations about Hitler’s inability to have normal sexual interactions with women, it is not hard to agree with Ernst Hafstaengel’s opinion that:

Ernst Hanfstaengel wrote in The Missing Years (1957): "I am sure that the death of Geli Raubal marked a turning point in the development of Hitler's character. This relationship, whatever form it took in their intimacy, had provided him for the first time in his life with a release to his nervous energy which only too soon was to find its final expression in ruthlessness and savagery. His long connection with Eva Braun never produced the moon-calf interludes he had enjoyed with Geli and which might in due course, perhaps, have made a normal man out of him. With her death the way was clear for his final development into a demon, with his sex life deteriorating again into a sort of bisexual narcissus-like vanity, with Eva Braun little more than a vague domestic adjunct.[3]

While I don’t have access to remained pieces of evidence from Nazi Germany, which could enable me to outline Hitler’s psychological development in respect of interactions romantic love, from what I know today, at least, the most plausible plot seem to be something like this:

Hitler falls in love for Geli. Maybe, at the beginning, he lied to himself about the nature of his feelings that he is the “protector” of that “child” because Adolf Hitler had extreme difficulties regarding emotions and love, probably because of his childhood and maybe adolescence.

On Geli’s side, it is harder to have an impression of what could have been the course of the events. On one hand, you can consider Geli allowing herself to come close to Adolf in the hope of fame and glory. Alternatively you can say it was only the boldness of the youth and not her deliberate attempts to win Hitler’s heart. To be fair her age and the situation which she was in it, doesn’t allow much freedom to close one eyes to all the signs that she is “the only woman in Hitler’s life” and say “she was an innocent child who just tried to be cheerful and happy and this caused Hitler to believe such affections was for him, while in fact they weren’t particularly directed to anyone …” Still she is young and if she wasn’t the subject of Hitler’s affection one could have said, it was all her being childish, because at the same time you have to understand that she was an intelligent woman and one way or another she could have realized what’s going on, even though Hitler was lying to himself and to anyone else the whole time about the nature of their relationship.

You can also discuss whether they had sexual encounters, while the most reasonable plot seems to be some sort of Geli’s nudity and Hitler’s unusual sort of sexual pleasure, while not having sex with her.

The most sound explanation for their whole relationship is that Geli wanted [either out of hope for fame or sincere interest] wished for Hitler’s erotic love in her and while this was the case and she almost had what she wished for, there was a lot behind the scene on Hitler’s seemingly disinterest in her, which later on pushed her to seek relationship with other men more openly, which finally caused her to go after another’s man love, to which probably Hitler responded with murdering her. [it is hard to believe he himself killed her with his own hands, but it is also more reasonable to believe that he killed her and not that she committed suicide]

On Hitler’s side, you see a man who can’t accept to be loved, and as soon as Geli is in her life, he doesn’t live with the idea to be her husband but rather a lie to himself that he is her protector or teacher. Then you have him examining whether he can love someone, with a girl who is quite similar to Geli, just two years younger:

Geli Raubal; Photo by John Simkin from his article "Geli Raubal"
Eva Braun; Photo by John Simkin from his article Eva Braun

Which in turn derives Geli mad, and in turn Hitler tries to take himself back from Geli with the excuse of elections and in turn Geli is no more his, which in a final act destroys Hitler emotional life.

Quite all the females, whom Hitler showed some sort of affection to them, have very similar appearance to that of Geli but unlike many other political fame, he never had that active sexual life. Probably if one had access to his entire life story, it would have not been much hard to know which events from his younger ages, caused him to be asexual, but about one point in his life we can discuss with more evidence, which is Geli and his sexual interest in her, which his inability [being it a deliberate decision, or side-effects of suppressed childhood trauma] was the reason for the frustration of both of them in the relationship and could probably account for Hitler’s growing even more into evil.

As stated in the beginning of this text, there is no excuse for Hitler nor the society which was the reason for his rise, but it could be an interesting question to ask, whether a talented relationship therapist would not have been able to get Geli and Hitler in bed? Would the history has taken such course if Hitler and Geli could have lived their love for each other openly and sincerely?

I don’t have the answer to this question but what I can answer is that if you ask me now, I would say it is a good risk to invest in improving Geli and Adolf relationship and helping them grow it into a mature erotic love if you had the knowledge.

I believe as a society we dismiss the importance of sexual relationships. Nowadays we muck past for believing sexuality was a scared entity that should not have been touched unless after a long series of social and personal events, which in short we talk of them as getting to know each other, engagement and marriage and so on … we are so obsessed with our areas of expertise, that we forget, behind all humans actions, there is a human, whose sexual and love life could have dramatically changed them.

To say that The Treaty of Versailles caused the rise of Hitler is easy but to say that the unsolved relationship of Adolf and Geli was the cause of Holocaust is hard. Because it is so hard to have a functioning relationship and in the study of history it doesn’t mean that much. But to be honest, it is impossible to imagine that Adolf Hitler would have done the same things if he was with Geli. It is simply impossible. but as a society, we avoid accepting the importance of relationships to ourselves. and if we dismiss relationships, there is no other way to correct the history. There can be another evil regime which started by a leader out of the same conditions as that of Adolf Hitler, in fact, it is not hard to find the evidence for destroyed love life, wherever something is going wrong in the history. Yet as a society we are still fighting for homosexual rights and praising one-night-stands and take every possible path than facing the damaged relationship we have with the one person we love. That’s exactly what Adolf and Geli did, and that’s exactly what our culture encourages us to do.

Yes, we can always justify our culture that why bother, most people aren’t in the situation like Adolf Hitler, so it doesn’t matter if they are with the person they love or not, but we only know of Hitler in the retrospect. You might have never imagined Hitler turning to such an incredibly unstoppable political power if you knew him from the time he was spending time with Geli. Actually, nobody imagined he becoming so famous. Yet he became, and yet the whole world paid a heavy price for a not functioning love relationship. As stated before I believe Hitler as an individual case is irrelevant to what took place in that period of time, the events in history must take place as they must but what could have made a difference was how average population respect sexuality and love and have fulfilling relationships which have started from sincere love. Even though we don’t want to talk about such matters in history classes, but indeed if the German society [and the European societies back then] wasn’t in such broken state in respect of love and sexuality, we would have never seen such world war 2.

We lie to ourselves about whom we love …

Geli and Adolf relationship is not only an amazing example in demonstrating how important love and sexual relationships are and how on social level we try to lie to ourselves about their importance but it also demonstrates how we try to lie to ourselves about their importance on individual level.

Eva Braun is a manifestation of that lie on Hitler’s side. As if you fake your feelings for a woman, just by finding someone who looks similar to her. Hitler is not an exception in this regard.

In BBC’s adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, Molly chooses exactly the same wrong solution:

Molly eventually has sex with the Sherlock Holmes, or as she puts it: “quite lots of sex” but there is a little adjustment here. He looks, dress, talks and behaves close to Sherlock Holmes, but Molly realizes that he is not him and their relationships end after she being engaged to him for a little while.

Of course, it is hard to have a relationship with Sherlock Holmes. and of course nobody wants to talk about it, but the situation as hopeless as it might seem, can’t be solved unless you have a relationship with Sherlock Holmes.

I don’t deny the fact that we are human beings and probably our preferences don’t really change that much over time, so it is not quite unusual to fall in love for similar individuals, but you shouldn’t lie to yourself about the fake and the original. As the case with Adolf Hitler, who tried to lie to himself about Geli and Eva Braun, or Molly who does the same thing.

I first encountered such situation in my life, where I was so unsure if it is possible that me and A. S. to love each other … Since I had met her boyfriend and I saw that he was kind of close to me, even though I am a couple of years younger and I’m probably more intensive than him. A. S. herself, even before I met her boyfriend, was used to tell me that I am really like him, but there was a moment in my life that my brain couldn’t handle it. It was the very last days of A. S.’s stay and I wanted to be with her, [because I wished to spend every moment of my life with her, and even though I tried my best that she never realizes that, I couldn’t stop myself going shopping with her, even though everyone knows, one thing I would always avoid in my life is shopping …], so it was the time to buy gifts for her family and of course her boyfriend. First times we met each other, I tried to grasp her taste for fashion and bought a shirt which I hoped she enjoys seeing me in it, which actually happened, and that day we were standing in that unusual shop and sho found a shirt that look extremely similar to that shirt, asked me to know my opinion whether it would be good for his boyfriend, and there my brain was encountering endless errors. To me it was impossible to have sex with a boy who would look exactly the same as me. I always tried to remain extremely rational with her and I always tried to be like a friend to her, because my deliberate choice was “she has a boyfriend and of course they love each other and it is impossible that me and her having any feelings for each other, and if ever, these are only illusions”. To me I couldn’t response to the contradictions that she is leaving me because she has a boyfriend, and then she is going to make that boyfriend looks like me and that’s how she is going to have a happy life and relationship afterward, when I am standing right there in front of her, spending time with her without asking for any return and she only needs to say how she feels, and probably we could manage a way out.

If our bodies and appearances could have had copyright, I would have banned A. S. from turning someone into similar appearances as mine and then having sex with him. To me, I would have preferred to say “honey, either you have sex with me or you take your boyfriend as he is and having sex with him. You should not try to make us similar to each other just to justify your needs …” but I was too polite to speak up such things, and I imagined, she could understand herself or at least I shouldn’t be the one who tells her these things, maybe a mutual friend of us, maybe her mother, maybe someone should make her understand what she is doing, but not me.

And of course she is not the only one. I can immediately feel strong attraction to a woman who looks similar to her, in the same fashion style, with same body moves … Beside the side-effect that all such encounters typically still breaks me in tears and I can’t deal with a body which wishes to live out the extreme sad feelings inside, but I wish to keep my limits about reality and fake clear.

Now than since two years, I don’t have any hope on my side to be with her, and the best looks to be hopeful to meet love somewhere else, but like some other occasions here again, I live in opposition to her style of conducts, I would rather give all of my heart to someone, who may in no way have any similarity to her, I can’t call it love, it is there mostly because that person looks like someone whom I loved but couldn’t live with …

Now that my critics on A. S.’s behavior, let’s at least mention that there are lots of reasons for her to behave that way and to a degree my behavior contributed as well. So, I think, I was extremely wrong for not letting her being able to realize that I die to be close to her body. I understand that I destroyed her self-esteem and probably her best solution could have been to have sex with someone else, but back then I falsely believed, it is impossible that me and her love each other, because she was in a relationship with someone else, I believed every relationship is based on love, at least when it is not forced and those two individual have some ideas about what love is and is not …

A framework for change for the better …

Unlike lots of other things in life, often we not only as individuals, and not only as couples, not only as family members or even as friends, but as a society in whole are responsible for our romantic relationships. Undeniably, it is a great wrongdoing to perceive, someone’s romantic relationship is his or her own business, in which you should never interfere. While interfering in other people’s romantic relationship is, naturally, often more harmful than to benefit, it is important to distinguish between „not interfering“ in someone’s relationship and „accepting the lie of someone to themselves“, accepting someone else’s lie, even if it is only to their own hearts, would usually make you a compliance in the crime against their hearts. Imagine yourself hearing: „Hey look. I will always be glad, if you are happy with someone, but to be honest, this girl you have chosen is only a shadow of your ex-girlfriend and I don’t think what’s going on between you is sincere and sooner or later, it will come clear to both of you and make both of you feeling bad about each other and yourselves. Why are you doing this to yourself, to this girl and to your ex, instead of trying to fix your past with your ex-girlfriend?“ Of course, this is not what you wish to hear on the surface, but believe me your heart will be glad, if your best friend, your parents, or even a distant acquaintance, or even a total stranger would tell you something like all these, instead of pretending that he or she believes you and your new partner are the cutest love couple on the planet and that you are going to live happily ever after together, cause the reality is that you won’t. Neither it would last forever in most cases, nor it would be happy. If this sounds like something you wish to experience in your own life, then don’t avoid doing the same for other.

With this introduction, let’s go through a list of my suggestions, that discusses the idea behind this example in a more theoretical manner:

  • as a society and as individuals we should stop lying to ourselves about love and sexual relationships. You can’t fake love. You can lie to your brain and heart to mistake the fake for the original but that won’t hold for long and it always have more devastating results, even if you don’t kill each other or whatever, you lose the chance to be with each other …
  • as a society and as individuals we should actively participate in the well-being of others love and sexual relationships. Of course, Eva Braun wished to enjoy the fame of being Hitler’s wife or mistress but the price of destroying his relationship to Geli was devastating. Nor Eva Braun was ever happy in her relationship with Hitler nor Hitler did ever found emotional calmness which he used to find in being together with Geli. Your parents will tell you the mass accepted lie that “he will be over her” or that “you will find somebody new” but reading the story of people’s life almost never such a thing has been the case, unless a love relationship was ended very carefully and very justly, which in our times is never ever the case. Imagine we go to court, we go to the police, how could you call it a just and fair and careful ending for a relationship when none of the both sides are satisfied. Let me be frank with you, starting a relationship with someone who should have been in a relationship with someone else, will have no fruits for you, if you ever want to do anything, either help them to be with the person they love or if that is impossible, then help them first grow out of it. Even if you are not the wife or the husband of that particular person, you will at least be their best friends, and not their heart’s enemy [because one day they will turn back at you and hate you for being the reason that they are not with the person they love].
  • Like Geli, Hitler, Sherlock or Molly, you might imagine that the other person doesn’t love you or that your relationship won’t ever be welcomed in the society, you can’t imagine how a dark sky turns to rain and from that rain grows all sorts of plants on an empty land. If you are in such conditions the best thing you can do is to be true to your feelings and going after responding to them. You will be stunned how receptive the environment and that other person might be.

A last warning

I believe it is a widely misunderstood artwork by Michael Haneke „Das weiße Band - Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte“[4]. It is not a movie. It is the best depiction of how did the majority of a population turned into Nazi. It is the most human focused masterpiece which could lead you to understand the invisible correlations in how we treat our hearts and how the seemingly political actions are carried out.

It is not possible to explain all these here and in this article for people of our time, and I’m not going to try it either, but what I would like to direct your attention to is another movie, this one even lesser known but with strikingly similar plot, however, there is one single difference, this artwork tries to represent today’s Germany.

If Frauke Finsterwalder’s „Finsterworld“ be an honest depiction of the society, unless we dramatically change, sooner or later that society will walk down the unstoppable path towards the destruction …

ISSUE #7

The Lost Ideas Lab Journal
Excerpt

At the moments when it looks like that there is no hope for us to end up with the one we love each other, an interesting alternative might be to be with someone similar to them, however the price of lies to our hearts are often irredeemable ... We will look at a historical, a fictional and ... examples ...