„A Novel in 778 Pages“ beyond its long sounding name while being made just from few pages, is a work with lots of aspects and levels for understanding. „a Novel in 778 Pages“ is not written to be understandable for anyone as it is for someone else. As well it can be felt like a humble hug from a never appearing lover, as well as it could work for someone as an act of enlightenment, by the order of Allah. In its core „a Novel in 778 Pages“ is talking through silence and its a process of awaking feelings through less description and much much less details. But beyond all these, all the thoughts and feelings behind the book, „a Novel in 778 Pages“, I would like to reveal a look to the events behind the scene of writing such novel, so there you go:
I was looking through the actual version of Neon Magazine in a Hotel room near Zurich, the kind of magazine I never read or never thought, I might read in my life. There were a series of photographs from couples sleeping together featured on that issue, to inform you a little bit more about your relationship from the way you and your partner usually lie with each other in bed.
For a moment, I cough the wish to be in bed with A. S. like those couples. Such kind of wishes were so rare in my life, that I could have been concerned whether I can ever say her, I love her, when deep inside myself, I avoid the thoughts and desires of being close to her with my body. I already knew, I should once address the distaste in myself, about my body contacting someone else’s but till I met her, a strong motivation for me for approaching my dislike for body contacts for my own body has never been presence in my life and …
There were three hours of continuous crying with myself while I tried to force myself to accept the wish that I like to be close to A. S.’s body and the strong hate in myself about my body being close to someone else’s body for whatever reason ever. There have been more than two years that I was fighting with myself about what I want and what I don’t want and how I would like to have a relationship with A. S. Relationships are mutual acts of connections and it is very logical that you can’t make any decision about your state of relationship with someone else, unless through your mutual behavior towards each other. It is even not the words and the promises we give to each other, in its core, it is our mutual behavior which defines what kind of relationship we want and we already have to each other, and again these are mutual feelings which could be to use. But beyond all these, it is important to firstly be in awareness about yourself and your own feelings to make right decisions about your behavior, cause otherwise it is likely that you are going to be lost between different states and kinds of relationships and even make your partner be lost or feel betrayed or cheated or at least treated dishonestly.
As the hours of crying seems to be without end, I made my mind, to force myself, for Gods sake, once in my life, I accept the thought of being close to someone’s body, so there I forced myself to write a story with the background idea of a possible life of persons like A. S. and me, but as well different to us. as a couple in an imaginary city while they face quite the same issue like the one A. S. and I went through it but with the promise to end it with a happy ending, unlike the true version of events of our life.
Since the strong dislike about the idea of my body being close or even touched by someone else, because … I made the decision to write the impulses I had for such novel on those pages of Neon Magazine to somehow force myself, be a little comfortable with the idea of being close to someone’s, not someone’s but the body of the only woman I loved by the time, thanks to Allah.