My Background Story

How did it all begin?

I was never exposed to the idea of becoming a filmmaker. The earliest dream job, I guessed I imagined for myself was to be an inventor, a scientist, and naturally a mathematician.

I always behaved like a mathematician back in my school days, if you know how real mathematicians look like.

Filmmaker was neither something close to the world of my imaginations nor to my surrounding environment.

The first time I become a filmmaker, if you could call it so, happened as I discovered to be deeply in love with a young actress I think I was 16 years old when I watched “Spy Kids 3”. Even back then, I was used to watching independent movies. Movies nobody watches, nobody hears from, and my parents don’t understand how I spend my money on them. “Spy Kids 3” was a very Americanized movie. Children should love their families, video games are not good, girls are bad and etc … I knew all of it back then. I knew that the United States is troubling in keeping the concept of family life together and that’s why the Charlie and Chocolate factory’s adaptation was changed from the original book, so children will learn that what matters at the end is the family, and I knew Spy Kids 3 is one of the most stupid ways to teach such values to young boys and girls. By the end of the movie, I was purely and innocently in love with Courtney Elizabeth Jines.

Believe me, if at that age one can make the conclusion that the United States government is troubling with impressing on children the concept of the family as a social entity, by watching one movie, then such person is best aware of the difference between the real person that role an actor plays. And for all my life I was sure, I won’t value the superficial beauty of individuals as their self-worth … 

I was never in my life so much in love with someone as I was with Courtney Jines. It is hard to describe it, because back then, I wasn’t sexually mature, and all the erotic part of love was totally meaningless to me. It is hard to compare those feelings with my feelings for the women I get to know them in person later on in my life because there the erotic feelings were present, and I wished I could be the person for them, whom the intimacy of our bodies makes us happy … But about Courtney Jines, such feelings still didn’t exist in my life as such … but I also wasn’t so young that I won’t be able to fancy about having a family with someone and living forever together with someone … 

Back then, I was sure this person is going to be Courtney Elizabeth Jines.

Slowly I become a silent filmmaker … the movies in my brain always contained a role for me and a role for her and my character was someone whom I could play well and had some features borrowed from me in the real life and her character would have some features borrowed from her in the real life, and be something that she could play well … 

In total, I have four complete movies in my brain from back then, and lots of incomplete scenes from here and there.

Now, when I look back, I can analyze those works of arts and the first thing that I find striking is that it is always her character that discovers mines … In three out of those four movies that character literally comes after this other character at a point in the script. It is never because of love, but it is always something there that brings that woman to this man and they discover that they love each other …

A short version of the script of one of those four movies is available on Lost Ideas Lab, in part V of the text “What I owe to Jennette McCurdy”.

The delay …

The support and encouragement I received from my parents for my wish to go after a career as a filmmaker are exactly the same as what Katy Perry has received from her parents. The only difference is that because my visa was related to my father’s job, I gave up pursuing a path which would have made me end up on the street and it caused about four years of my life to be more or less wasted …

The other time it was due to the fact that I didn’t try to apply for Züricher Hochschule der Künste after A. S. rejected to meet me and I found out that she is a student at the same school. That heartbreaking and soul-crushing love story between me and A. S. is the reason for wasting another couple of years of my life …